


Beautiful Stalker

by ivanolix



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Crack Pairing, F/M, Humor, Parody, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-22
Updated: 2009-06-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivanolix/pseuds/ivanolix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leoben Edward Cylon is the most gorgeous person in New Caprica, the rainiest town in the Colonies. Kara Swanthrace is new to Galactica High School, but she's instantly fascinated, both by his looks and his weird behavior. And especially after meeting Sam Anderson Black, the guy from the nearby Resistance Reservation who has something to add on the matter... (Beware crack!fic characterizations and attempted Stephanie Meyer style.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Stalker

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my fault. Seriously.

_Prologue: Three things I knew for certain. One, Leoben Edward Cylon was a robot. Two, a part of him, and I didn’t know how strong that part was, thirsted to destroy the human race.  And three, I was completely in love with him._

ooo

New Caprica, Colonies is one of the rainiest towns in the universe. So when I was leaving the hot, golden Caprica City to escape my mother, of course I’d go there. It wasn’t a random choice; my father, for all that he’d run away from our family when I was little, still lived there and offered to accept me for a visit.

My name is Kara Swanthrace, and even though my mother is always telling me that I’m special, it’s more obvious that I’m a screw-up. According to her, I can barely even walk straight, even after placing 16th in my entire school. Whatever. I was leaving her behind, in any case, and spending some time with my father Dreleide up in New Caprica.

It was as dreary as I imagined. Cold, wet, even the greens looking muted everywhere I looked. Hardly anyone lived there, and sadly that meant that I was immediately a celebrity on my first day at Galactica High School. The people here are a little weird, but I think they meant well. Anastasia seems to be the girl everyone goes to for advice, and Louanne is her sidekick in everything. I’m not sure what they do other than talk about other people, though. They also refuse to go by their names, instead going by the nicknames “Dee” and “Kat”, that they call callsigns. These people really are strange; I missed Caprica a little already.

I met Karl—or rather, “Helo”—at the table, but he’s just a big kind of sports jock or something, and not immediately interesting. Lee, though, has been remarkably attentive. He’s nice, in a cute kind of way. Kat whispered to me that he has a brother one year younger, Zak, “who’s the most gorgeous ever. Well, gorgeous except for, well, you know—”

She then realized I didn’t know, and then grabbed Dee’s arm. “Dee, she’s new, she doesn’t know about the Cylons.”

“The who?” I asked.

“Dr. and Mrs. Tigh-Cylon,” Dee explained, less over the top than Kat was getting. “They moved back here just recently, them and their 7 adopted kids.”

“It’s so weird,” Kat put in, leaning over the table towards me, her hair stylishly in a cloud of tight curls around her head. “They’re, like, supposed to be siblings, but they’re all, y’know, _together_.”

I gave her a look, not sure what she was getting at.

“Ooh, here they come!” Kat said, grabbing my arm and pulling me to look out the door.

There were indeed people coming late in through the double doors, and more than just our eyes were turned towards them.

“Okay, so that’s Cavil, the oldest,” said Dee. “And he’s with Sharon—apparently her real name is Boomer, but only Cavil’s allowed to call her that.”

I followed her exact gaze, and was slightly unnerved. Cavil was rather squat, actually, and his hair lay kind of sparsely. While Sharon, on the other hand, had gorgeous porcelain features and a graceful walk like a swan.

“Don’t worry, _nobody_ knows why they’re together,” Kat whispered in my ear.

“That’s D’Anna and Simon,” said Dee next, and I saw a tall blond girl and a dark-skinned boy. “She’s kind of a religious nut, and he’s all into science, but they get together and do weirdly ambitious projects.”

“I think they’re evil or something,” said Lee through a mouthful of the school lunch. “Probably Sharon and Cavil too—why else are they together?”

“Shut up,” said Helo, smacking Lee in the arm.

“He’s got a crush on Sharon,” Kat whispered in my ear. I was starting to get a little irritated at Kat’s tone, but I wanted the information, so I just smiled and waited for Dee to continue as the Cylon family walked in.

“Oh, that’s Doral and Caprica,” said Dee, with an intake of breath.

It didn’t take me long to see why. Doral was bland, and had a sort of obviously contemptuous view of the cafeteria that wasn’t much different than your normal teenager who thought themselves superior. But Caprica. I had never seen someone so gorgeous. It was almost—almost otherworldly, I thought. She had white-blonde ringlets that cascaded like beach sand in the sun, and was tall and willowy and just _perfect_. She might have been glowing, given that the sun wasn’t even out today so that light had to come from somewhere.

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah,” said Kat. “She’s kind of a bitch, but no one cares, right Lee?”

“I’m kind of undecided,” Lee said. “What do you think, Kara?”

“Well, I don’t know her,” I said, wondering why he cared. I didn’t really know any of them.

“But wait, Kara—” Kat said, this time squeezing my arm. I frowned, but she didn’t notice. “That. That is why everyone knows the Cylons. Who cares about Caprica?”

“Oh please, Kat,” said Dee, rolling her eyes. But before I saw what they were talking about, I saw a kind of appreciation in Dee. It wasn’t a surprise as I looked onto the object of their gaze. “Leoben Edward Cylon,” Dee said, and I could almost hear her sigh.

My heart almost stopped beating when he walked into the cafeteria. Oh my gods—had I used the word perfect for Caprica? No, that word totally had to have been created for Leoben. He had smooth pale skin, and pale locks cut close around his face. I couldn’t describe why, but every line of his face spoke of Adonis-like glory. He didn’t belong here, in New Caprica, he belonged in some kind of mythology storybook.

“Now you say wow, I’m betting,” Kat said, grinning a little.

“Yeah,” I admitted, feeling strangely airy.

 Lee snorted, but I knew what that meant.

“It’s kind of a shame he can’t dress well,” commented Dee, trying to sound objective.

I hadn’t even noticed the clothes. Now that I did—okay, wow, yeah. “Are they poor?” I asked.

“No, he’s just a douchebag who shops at thrift stores,” Lee muttered.

“But he can pull it off, so who cares?” Kat protested.

Well, I didn’t. Leoben was utterly fascinating.

“Hey,” said Helo, snapping his fingers in front of my face with a half-smug grin, drawing my attention back to the table. “What Dee didn’t tell you yet is that apart from being gorgeous, the Cylons don’t ever talk to anyone.”

“Really?” I asked, though not too surprised, given their centered way of entering the room. In the moment I hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary; they walked like gods, but surely that was allowed if they looked like them. Well, some of them at least.

“They’re their own little club, basically,” said Dee in a clipped tone.

“A total shame,” said Kat, slouching back in her chair and sending an obvious look in Leoben’s direction.

I wasn’t feeling quite at home among these people yet, and I certainly wasn’t going to be that silly; but as Helo started flicking food bits at Lee, who looked reprovingly at him before scooting next to Dee, my mind wasn’t thinking about them. As we all left the cafeteria to go back to class, I barely glanced back to the Cylon group leaving together. Leoben might have been looking at me, or he might have been looking past me—either way I decided not to glance away and attract more attention.

ooo

The rest of the day was unfortunately not as interesting. Leoben was in my biology class, but as we talked about the qualities necessary for life in small groups, he said nothing, just sat back in his chair and glowered. I tried to ignore him, but it was hard, given that the heat in his gaze made him that much more fascinating to the eye.

During a lull, as we all scratched out notes, I jolted a little as he leaned forward with less of a glare.

“Are you Starbuck?” he asked.

I stared, stunned. No one had called me that since I was a little kid, and I certainly didn’t think it was widespread. I hardly knew anyone up in New Caprica now, and I doubt my dad talked.

I found my look becoming partly confused, partly curious, and partly annoyed. Then, as if to make it worse, he sat back up, the hints of a smile twisting his mouth. “You won’t even tell me your name?”

The rest of the group was looking at us, but I just threw Leoben a short glare and went back to my studies. He didn’t take any notes, I noticed, or add anything to the discussion. In fact, he basically just gave me a cold look for the rest of things. Probably was used to getting his way, I guessed. Maybe he was a douchebag after all, and those clothes weren’t an anomaly.

Still, we left class, and I walked down the hall towards gym. Then suddenly, he was in front of me.

“You are Starbuck, though,” he said, standing in my path with a self-satisfied little smirk on his face.

It was...terribly gorgeous, but that passed quickly. “I told you no, now frak off,” I said. What was _with_ him?

“We all swim in the stream, Kara,” he called after me as I walked past. “What we’re called doesn’t matter; why do you care that I know?”

I rolled my eyes. Apparently the gorgeous ones had to be utter disasters in personality. He should stick to heated looks from across the cafeteria.

And yet—there was something more than douchiness about his behavior. His family, too. They were weird. And I needed to know more.

ooo

That afternoon, my dad wanted me out of the house while he fiddled away at his old piano. I wasn’t bitter or anything, so I decided to pop down to Resistance Reservation. Dad had mentioned a family living there, the Blacks, who were old friends of ours that I sort of remembered. Besides, there was a shooting range, and I had to admit that I liked guns. Driving the old hummer my dad had bought for me, I showed up at the main building on the reservation.

“Oh yeah, Swanthrace’s kid,” said the tribe leader, Cottle. He was old and gruff, but he kind of smiled at me. “All the kids are down by the beach, if you want to go. I’m sure they remember you, though more from the stories.”

“Dad tells stories about me?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh yes,” said Cottle, and gave me a tsking look.

I shrugged and walked off. Cottle Black had four kids: Morris, Jean, Sue, and Sam. Morris was busy with some reservation girl called Seelix, being at least twenty and very much smitten. Jean and Sue were older girls too, just about to graduate and go to college. They were playing some kind of football with their younger brother, Sam, who was about my age, when I came up. He had his dark hair in a messy kind of ‘do, made worse by the salty breezes; I could guess who he was but I didn’t remember him at all.

“Hi,” I said, managing not to express the minimal awkwardness I felt.

“Hey!” called Sam back, tossing the round black “football” to me.

“I’m Kara Swanthrace, I used to come visit my dad,” I said as introduction, waving with the hand that wasn’t holding the ball.

“Oh yeah,” said Sam brightly, jogging over. He was pretty tall for his age. “I remember you. Kawa.”

“And Sammy, yeah,” I answered with a slight grin.

“Don’t call me Sammy,” he said, but grinned even wider. He had nice blue eyes behind his tanned face.

“You gonna play, Kara?” Jean asked from her side of the field they’d made up on the beach. Her long red hair was pulled back tightly from her face.

“’Course,” I said. “It’s just football, right?”

“Nope,” said Sam, with a wicked little smile. “We call it pyramid—you should probably watch first.”

“Aww, come on Kara,” said Sue, hair as dark as Sam’s, teeth glinting white even in the clouded air. “Give us the ball and let us kick your ass.”

Jean chortled at Sue, but it was all in good fun and I smiled. “It’s okay, my knee’s been hurting, so I’ll just watch for a while.”

“Oh, your poor knee hurts?” Sam said mockingly as I tossed the ball back.

 “Sure is, Sammy,” I said. It was nice to be around social people again, after my dad and that Leoben.

“You can be ref, then,” said Jean. “Until Morris gets done mooning at Seelix.”

It was a kind of pleasant diversion, I realized, trying to figure out the rules on the run. The Blacks were really good at whatever it was, and spared nothing that might give them the advantage. Despite being the smallest, Sam managed to have surprising speed. Half an hour after I arrived, he dodged and spun around Sue, ending up slamming full into me.

I hit the sand with a thud, the air partially leaving my lungs.

“Oh shit,” Sam said, scrambling up.

I coughed and sat up, reaching to brush the sand out of my long blonde hair.

“Look who was an idiot,” Jean offered to her brother, half rolling her eyes.

“Sorry,” said Sam, offering me a hand.

I took it, standing up and shaking off the fall. “It’s nothing.”

“Well, maybe that’s a sign you’re getting too into things,” came another voice, deeper, from my right. There was Morris, red-faced and with hair slightly tousled. “Game over, kids. Take a break.”

“Hey, you ain’t in charge,” objected Sue.

“You wish, sis,” said Morris, flicking her nose with a fingertip. She murmured something, but didn’t give him a dark look.

“You’re okay, right?” Sam asked me, looking concerned.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” I said.

“I thought so,” he said. “Not that I meant to—but, you know, you don’t look fragile.”

I sighed. “Sometimes that might be nice. People think you’re just a rock, and it seems like that should work in your favor—but not always.” Maybe if I’d looked more delicate, I wouldn’t have had to tell Leoben to frak off. Or maybe if I hadn’t said frak off, he might have gotten the clue better. “Hey, why don’t you go to school,” I asked Sam, changing the subject.

“I go to school,” he said, the smile now just in his eyes rather than across his whole face. I guessed it was probably tiring to be that cheerful, as it seemed he was. “But I got a sports scholarship to Resistance High.”

“For that game?” I asked incredulously, looking at the weird ball that he still held.

 “Pyramid? No,” he said with a laugh. “Not yet, they won’t make it a sport. No, I play football.”

I nodded. “I almost did sports. But my mother—” I stopped short. I did not want to think about my mother, let alone talk. I frowned.

“So, you didn’t think I was really a slacker, did you?” Sam asked, sliding the conversation back a few steps with a bit of easy small talk.

I smiled at him. “No, I doubt that. But if you had been, I might have been tempted to join you a couple days.”

“Ah, Galactica sucks?” Sam asked, starting to toss the ball up and catch it rhythmically.

“Just this one guy,” I said. Then added, honest. “Mostly. Hey, you don’t know anything about the Cylon family, do you?”

Sam gave me a look.

“What?” I asked.

“You are not the first person to ask that,” he said, eyebrows moving significantly.

“Well yeah,” I said, wondering what he meant. “They’re weird.”

“It always starts out like that,” he said knowingly. “But before you know it...”

He tossed me a slight look, and I felt that he was trying to play me. But he wasn’t being annoying about it, and I really did want to know about Leoben. “Know what?” I asked with a sigh.

“The legends,” Sam said, leaning in and lowering his voice, while his eyebrows danced.

I snatched the ball from his hand. “Don’t be a moron,” I retorted.

“Actually, I’m not,” Sam answered, reaching for the ball. I didn’t give it back, and looked him in the eye. “No, seriously, there are legends about the Cylons.”

His eyes did look sincere, and I had no reason to doubt Sam yet. He was too obvious to truly play me. “Like what?” I asked, taking the bait.

“Oh, well, if you believe the stories, they’ve been around a lot longer than the 40 years the parents have been in the area,” Sam said, shifting his weight a little more comfortably.

I crossed my arms, ball still in one hand, interested but trying not to look it too much.

“And apparently, there’s a reason they don’t really make a big deal about it,” Sam explained further. “The stories say that the Cylons have a ‘Plan’ to carry out.”

I snorted at the emphasis he put on the word, and his eyebrows danced just a little. “A Plan?” I asked doubtingly.

“I didn’t write the stories,” he said with a shrug. “No, seriously, they’re supposed to have a Plan. No one knows what it was supposed to be, but it would explain a lot. They’re always kind of out of society, anti-social almost. And they talk weird, and dress weird, and seem to notice _everything_.”

I frowned.

“Who knows, maybe they’re the sort of weird to spread their own legends,” Sam said with a wider shrug. “Now give me my ball back.”

I didn’t resist when he grabbed it. I was thinking too much about the Cylons. A Plan? What the frak was that? And what did it have to do with me, or did it? Part of me wondered if I should be a little more open with Leoben, tell him a little more; if he was in the mood, he might give some information back.

I might be too curious for my own good, sometimes. But then, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone that gorgeous, even if it went nowhere.

“You look all serious, what’s up with that?” Sam asked, leaning in to peer at my face.

I just smiled and pushed him back a little. “You don’t need to know. Now come on, I’ll race you to the pier.”

“You kidding?” Sam’s grin was bright on his face again. “I'll wipe the beach with you, even if your knee wasn’t hurt.”

“Who said I was telling the truth about that?” I tossed at him grinning. We ran off, and hopefully he forgot about my questions. The race was a tie, but I wasn’t thinking about that.

I needed to get back to New Caprica. I needed to figure this Leoben out more, especially why he knew my old pet name.

ooo

That night though, after my dad talked me into playing his new duet “Watchtower”, which I had to admit had a nice happy/sad quality, I went to bed thinking about what Sam had told me. As soon as I’d gotten home, I looked up what I could about the Cylons on the internet. Weird, surreal kind of things came up, including this talk about a family relative who was known in New Caprica for her insane ramblings about machines. The Hybrid. Reading the “examples”, though, as I got distracted on the tangent, it didn’t sound so much like machines so much as—well, I didn’t know, maybe even religious something or other.

Either way, it was obviously on my mind. I “woke” in the middle of the night, only to start sharply to see Leoben at the foot of my bed. I closed my eyes, shaking my head, and woke for real to see the obviously empty room.

Weird.

  
 _(*deep voice* Next time, in Beautiful Stalker:_

 _“What is wrong with you?” I asked, turning sharply on him. “You’re annoying, you’re rude, and you talk like—like you’re a hybrid or something.” That last part came out without my meaning to._

 _“What do you mean I talk like a hybrid?” he asked, face darkening swiftly._

 _“You don’t talk—normal,” I said, fumbling a little._

 _“How do you know about hybrids?” he asked next, still looking darkly._

 _“Sam Black and I were talking about local legends, that’s all,” I said, hoping he’d drop it._

 _“Ah yes, the Blacks,” Leoben said with that smug understanding smile._

 _I didn’t like the way he was getting in my head—and at the same time, I liked the challenge. Irritated at him as well as myself, I really did walk away, ignoring both the urge to slap him and then kiss off that smirk.)_   


  



End file.
